Once upon a day away,
there lived a sprout
within the shade
amongst the forest of sunflowers
On that day it sighed and mourned
its leaves, withered,
its roots, forlorn
It kept this way for several hours
Until, then, under light's glow
a sparrow did
decide to flow
Beneath the petals filled with sun-shine
Admiring things long out-cast
his eyes passed fast
then stopped in awe
"Hello--what are you there?" he soon chimed
The sprout then hushed, merely replied:
"I am nothing
in others' eyes
It is my life. But what of you, though?"
The bird paused, taken aback
"I'm traveling,
and that is that."
He chirped a smile. "To me you're something."
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Author's Comments
Sad attempt at a poem from...ohh, a good few months ago or so.
Symbolic. Feel free and take a swing at what it's about if you want. |
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Comments
As you might now, poetry is completely beyond me, so I really envy you for this. The rhyme scheme is so unique, I don't think I've seen anything like it before. (Very Carrolly, although I really regret to say that because it's not really, at all, and it feels like a cop-out to say. Nevertheless, I felt Carroll.)
Until, then, under light's glow
a sparrow did
decide to flow
Beneath the petals filled with sun-shine
Addicting, and I loved it.
There was something awkward about the sprout's "But what of you, though?" but since I can't pinpoint it, I don't know if it's even relevant. Also, the bulkiness 'soon' that could be replaced with 'then' to match the 'then' of the Sprout in the next stanza. I'unno, I can't imagine it being any more flawless than it is right now.
I love your writing.
--
Whenever ideas fail, men invent words. ~Martin H. Fischer
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